Love, Your Sister
by ronk77
Summary: [Letters from Petunia to Lily over the years]. Sisterhood. It's a funny thing. She never was quite the epitome of it, but no one can say she didn't try. Of a love never worthy, of affection never sent.
1. Who?

Dear Lily,

I can't believe you didn't take my side against that meanie- the Snape boy. How can you still be his friend? After he called you a witch? That was rude, and you know Mummy said not to befriend rude people. And now you barely even play with me anymore- too busy with "Severus", I suppose. So yeah, the first time I met him didn't sit well, but I could try talking to him again, you know. Maybe you could include me in your games? I'd like to play with you again!

Love, your sister.


	2. Why?

Dear Lily,

I don't believe it! You- you're a witch! And- you're leaving home soon, leaving me! How could you do this to me- who will I help with their homework? Who will I read stories to? Who will be my best friend?

You won't need me anymore, and that scares me, Lily. You're going off into a bright new world filled with new things and people and adventures that I won't get to have with you. You'll make new friends and leave me behind. You'll get magic, wonderful, beautiful magic, and my life will remain boring and dull. And in the end, my only role in your life will be to keep your secret.

Why did you do this, Lily? Why did you agree? And why did you leave me behind?

Why am I not a witch?

Love, your sister.


	3. Perfect

Dear Lily,

You came back home today- not for Christmas, or for Easter, or even once to visit during the ten months you weren't home- but for the summer holidays. And of course, all I got to hear was "Lily oh Lily that's marvellous Lily simply astounding Lily magic really is something Lily isn't it Lily Lily Lily Lily LILY". No one cared about me because of _you_ , Lily. It's all your fault. I got straight A's this year, but did anyone care? No, obviously not, because _you_ got straight O's and that's all anyone cared about. Barely even straight O's, if we're being technical- you got one E in your History class for failing something about goblins. But who cares?! You're Lily! That makes you perfect, right?

I wish being Petunia made you perfect.

Love, your sister.


	4. Birthday

Dear Lily,

It's my birthday today and you're not even here. I didn't expect any less of you.

Is that sad?

Love, your sister.


	5. Freak

Dear Lily,

Honestly? You _are_ a freak. I don't regret saying that. You left me to go to some freak school, you got what I'm assuming are some freak friends to replace me, you got yourself the perfect freaky life away from me in the perfect freaky world and you'll probably marry some freak guy someday and have freak kids and live in some freak house and be queen of all freaks and that's because you're a _freak,_ Lily. I, on the other hand, am an average normal person, and sometimes I wonder what is better- or really, what is worse.

But you know what?

You might be a freak, Lily, but I never said I cared if you were.

You're the freakiest freak I know, but no matter what, you're my sister. And I know I'd care for you even if you weren't.

Love, your sister.


	6. Abandoned

Dear Lily,  
It's the hols again. You've brought home a friend- some girl named Alice. Obviously, Mum and Dad love her more than they love me- which nowadays isn't saying much, seeing as I've been cast aside in favour of work and magic.  
You've abandoned me, Lily, and found yourself something better just like I knew you would. I know that it wasn't hard for you because I know I'm not the best person, but you're my sister. You should stick with me no matter what, though that's probably not going to happen now. And that's why no matter how much I love you most days, you still abandoned me. And I don't think I can love you for that.  
Love, your sister.


	7. Friend

Dear Lily,

I've found a friend of my own now. She's alright and all, but she's not a very good distraction from what we used to be.

Love, your sister.


	8. Ugly

Dear Lily,

I don't know you anymore. That's the simple part. The hard one is everything else.

You came home for Easter, complaining about some guy called James that's been asking you out all year. Dad teased you and Mum got sappy, all while I just tested out my disappearing abilities- I was kissed once on a dare by a guy in the grade above me called Kenneth Greenberg, and forget dating. Obviously you don't know any of this, because you never bother to ask about me anymore.

But of course you would have guys falling all over you. You got Mum's nice mouth and Dad's bright, bright green eyes, and your flaming red hair is a mystery- although probably passed off from one of our great grandparents somewhere. I, on the other hand, got Dad's thin mouth and bird eyes from god-knows-where, with Mum's brown coloring turned bad- mud colored eyes and lusterless brown hair.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't ugly, if only so I could compare to you.

Love, your sister.


	9. Forgiveness

Dear Lily,

You're back for the summer like always. You tried talking to me. I slammed the door in your face. I don't know why I did.

I'm sorry, Lily. Please forgive me.

Love, your sister.


	10. Jealous

Dear Lily,

I've figured it out. I'm jealous, so, so jealous of all that you have- your friends and your beauty and your school and your personality and your fire and your magic and your love and the attention you get from our parents- all that is yours and not mine, or really all that I can't have or achieve just because it's you. You've always been the better daughter, the better person, the better everything. And then you just had to go and be literally magical instead of just figuratively, making you that much better than I'll ever be. I can't control that, and that- that's what's so unfair about it, what kills me inside every moment of every hour of every single day.

And it's all because there's no reason for anyone to be jealous of me.

Love, your sister.


	11. Wish

Dear Lily,

You're back. Nothing has changed. Our parents still fawn over you like it's their life's mission, forgetting quite handily that you have a sibling. You say its OWL year next year, another thing I'm supposed to get about you but don't, like pretty much everything else about you. I wish I did.

Love, your sister.


	12. Hate

Dear Lily,

I hate you.

Love, your sister.


	13. Love

Dear Lily,

I hate you. I know, I've said it once already, but I have more to say on the subject. I hate you because you're the embodiment of everything I secretly crave, all that I desire, like heaven just an inch away but being held back by a rope so you can't reach it just so. Do you know how maddening it is?

No. You never will, either, and I hate you for it, but most of all I hate you for making me love you anyways.

Love, your sister.


	14. Ignored

Dear Lily,  
Your OWL results have arrived with all O's. Mum shrieked to high heaven and Dad ruffled your hair saying he didn't even expect anything else. And me? Well, I don't know if you noticed at all, but I just sat behind the table, continuing to eat my breakfast. I've gotten very good at being ignored these past few years.

Love, your sister.


	15. Free

Dear Lily,

I want to break free. Free of your shadow. We've become well acquainted these past few years, but I think it's time to let it go once and for all. It'll be a hard goodbye, Lily, but I think I can do it. Tell it not to keep in touch. I've had enough of its' lies.

Love, your sister.


	16. Talk

Dear Lily,

You're back like always for the summer. I wanted to talk to you, you know, and it took me an hour to decide if to try at all, and then another half hour just to try knocking. I didn't in the end. I couldn't bring myself to. It's too late now. I'm just going to sleep and hope I'll forget about it. I don't know what possessed me to even think about it, anyways.

Love, your sister.


	17. Worth

Dear Lily,

Were you ever worth thinking about? Worth writing about, worth caring about? Were you ever worth it?

You tell me.

Love, your sister.


	18. Show

Dear Lily,

I've graduated school, at the top of my class. Mum and Dad barely even cared because it was right then that you sent us a letter proclaiming that you're going out with James Potter and- gasp- sent a picture. Mum completely freaked out and gave an almighty squeal, immediately finding something to write on so she could reply and went on and on about how James is such a lovely boy and so good looking too and made 10 wedding references. Dad asked her to remind him to tease you later and glowered jokingly. And I- I just sat back, enjoying the show. I like to think I'm used to it by now.

Love, your sister


	19. Care

Dear Lily,

You've graduated, 10 days after me (I, for one, find this ironic).

It's the summer again, like it always is, but for one change- you're not back this summer. You found yourself a job as a sort of policewoman-in-training and a flat with your boyfriend and best friend (still Alice and still James, whom I still haven't met). I had hoped you'd care enough to actually come see me, but then again, why would you? It's not like I've given you any reason to care.

… Then why do I still do?

Love, your sister.


	20. Distraction

Dear Lily,

I met a guy at my university, Vernon Dursley's his name. I'm not quite sure why, but he asked me out and I said yes. But he's so far been the best distraction I've had from you in years, for better- and sadly, far too often for worse- so who knows what might come out of this.

Love, your sister.


	21. Late

Dear Lily,

Is it too late? Is it too late to make up with you? Too late to meet you, to apologise? Too late to see you, to say I'm sorry and actually mean it for once in my life? And is it too late for you to forgive me?

Is it too late to be your sister again?

Love, your sister.


	22. Regret

Dear Lily,

I just got the invites for your wedding. Hopefully I'll be able to make it. There's a chance I'll be too busy wallowing in my regret.

Love, your sister.


	23. Wedding

Dear Lily,

I'll never admit this out loud, but your wedding was beautiful. Really. I'm sorry I wasn't up there with you. I should have been. But a lot changes, Lily. They say the important things don't, but I guess that they never met me. I'm living proof.

By the way, Mum and Dad got to meet Vernon at your wedding today. I don't think they like him as much as they like your James (whom I also just got to meet today), but they like him well enough… I think.

Love, your sister.

 **HEY-YO, I'M BACK.**

 **Yeah. Sorry about that, it truly was unintentional. I've got most of this thing written anyways. But in my defence, life happened and stuff went down and here we are. Hopefully, I'll be better about uploading in the future.**

 **Thanks for reading this fic anyway, and please do continue, along with reviewing and favouriting and following and all that good stuff (those all really make my day for some reason - I mean, I don't know most of the people who read this so I'm not sure why- but still, it's very kind of you). So yeah, keep doing that. I'm rambling now anyway so I should probably go- byeee**


	24. Propose

Dear Lily,

A year has passed now, as you know, and Vernon has proposed. I said yes. I'm not sure why, but this feels right.

Is this what love feels like? I wouldn't know.

Love, your sister.


	25. Thought

p class="MsoNormal"aDear/a Lily,/p  
p class="MsoNormal" I hope you enjoyed the wedding. It really took months to pull off. Of course, that totally flopped since you decided to top my wedding by announcing you're pregnant in the middle of my reception, but it's the thought that counts, even if you don't really have any./p  
p class="MsoNormal" Love, your sister./p  
p class="MsoNormal"PS- I thought about skipping the wedding. Just minutes before. Vernon, well... I like him well enough, of course, but as for love... I don't know. And besides, he can get kind of- abusive, I suppose. It's nothing very bad, but it caused me to doubt things, and as I'm sure you know (or maybe you don't?) a wedding sure does kick anxiety into full force. But then I looked in the mirror... and I saw myself. And I realised that Vernon has always been the only one ever to show any amount of interest in me. To throw that away.../p  
p class="MsoNormal"Yes. I know that it was stupid. But not all of us live in a fairy tale, Lily. Not all of us get to be like you. /p 


	26. Collapse

Dear Lily,

Mum and Dad died. The car crash- some bastard crashed into them. We both rushed to the hospital, even if I got there first, and I had just finished looking over the papers for blood transfusions and questioning a nurse about blood types and the odds of survival when both you and the doctor appeared, ashen-faced. You started sobbing and rushed into my arms, the first time you'd hugged me in 7, almost 8 years, and for one moment I didn't care if anyone was dead so long as you stayed there with me.

But then, you had to go. Had to leave, and so did I, because there was just too much to do- the lawyers and the insurance and the money and everything else in between that needed to get finished before we both collapsed. I get the feeling it symbolizes most things about us.

Love, your sister.


	27. Will

Dear Lily,

Mum and Dad's will- their inheritance- has been given to us, with you getting the money and me getting the property. I now have our old house, the memories and affections that I used to have strewn through remnants of guilt past expiration date; gone bad. All of what we used to be and all of what I used to have is there, and I'm not sure if that's good or bad.

Love, your sister.


	28. Witch

Dear Lily,

I told Vernon today. About- about you. He didn't seem to mind much so long as I wasn't one myself and promised to help me through it so long as you were kept out of our lives. I'm not sure what I'd do without him, but I'm quite sure that I wouldn't like to find out.

Love, your sister.


	29. Scared

Dear Lily,

I've realized I'm just scared. Scared of you forgetting me, even though you probably already have, and is that normal, I wonder? I'm not sure what a sister is anymore, and frankly, Lily, that's what scares me most of all.

Are you even my sister, anymore?

Love, your sister.


	30. Dream

Dear Lily,

I had a dream, one that I haven't had in years. It was that scene from the playground- always the same scene. I now remember it better than ever before. You ran off with me, saying maybe we didn't understand him. I snorted and told you to grow up. I left you behind. I left you behind for the rest of my life and yours, and when I turned around again, you were suddenly grown up.

It's our life, Lily, the true depiction, and I'm not sure if that makes me happy or sad. Perhaps it's a bit of both.

Love, your sister.


	31. Bitter

Dear Lily,

Bitterness.

It's all I have left, now.

Love, your sister.


	32. Mother

Dear Lily,

You had your baby- Harry James Potter- just yesterday. It's nice to know you cared enough to tell me, even if it's probably just because of the impending motherhood hormones, or something like that. I wouldn't know… yet.

Love, your sister.

 **OK, don't shoot. I know that canonically Dudley's older. But this is building up to something and I needed Lily to have a kid first. Besides, it symbolises a reason Petunia's so bitter so well- Lily's always better, always does everything brilliant first, and Petunia's always in second place (or that's how she feels at any rate).**


	33. Pregnant

Dear Lily,

I'm pregnant.

Love, your sister.


	34. Worry

Dear Lily,

You've gone into hiding. I'm not really sure why- in your letter, a prophecy was mentioned, as was Harry and a villain straight out of a fairy-tale ready to come and destroy us all on a whim. I'm not sure why, but I'm worried for you.

Love, your sister.


	35. Miscarriage

Dear Lily,

You know how people always say they don't know where to begin?

Well, that's a lie- or at least in my case, it is.

I know where to begin, and on paper, it's even easy.

I've miscarried.

And now?

Now, where do I end?

And far more importantly, when?

Far more importantly… can it be sooner?

Love, your sister.

 **Youch. Yeah, I don't really like Petunia actually, but this kinda hurt to write.**


	36. Back

Dear Lily,

Are you ever coming back?

And if you are… do you want to see me?

Love your sister.


	37. Again

Dear Lily,

I'm pregnant. Again.

Love, your sister.


	38. Fantasy

Dear Lily,

I had my baby. It's a boy- we're naming him Dudley. When we were younger, we dreamed of having our children play together, but a dream is a dream and dreams are just that- a fantasy.

I wish fantasy was real, sometimes.

Love, your sister.

 **Really close to the end, BTW, for everyone who's been asking, but I may just post a Lily version and turn this into a series. Writing really helps with my anxiety, which is otherwise rampant, plus it's the holidays and as such I am very lonely and here we are. I just had a heart to heart with a screen. What has my life become?**


	39. Apologize

Dear Lily,

I think I'll go find you so I can apologise. No matter if I can't- I'll manage. I need to find you, to make things right between us for once. I don't know who's at fault in this relationship, or where this urge came from, but I know it's here and it's pressing and _real,_ and I know it has to happen. I'll do it first thing tomorrow. I really wish I could go right now, but its Dudder's first Halloween. I promise I'll come straight after.

Love, your sister.

 **Alright, mates. Next chapter is the end. I'd advise you to bring tissues, because we all know what's coming next.**


	40. Unfinished

Dear Lily,

You died.

You- you died.

You died before I got to talk to you, to make things right between us.

I lost you, Lily. I lost everything about you, everything you were and everything you could have been.

I'm sorry. I really am. Please forgive me. I know you can't, but I can hope you can see this and I hope you can send me a sign. I never believed in the afterlife, but for this one, I'll make a certain exception.

Your son arrived- Harry. He's to stay with us. However sorry I am, I still don't want him here. He'll be like you, I know it, and he'll be a reminder of any bitter dregs of regret I have left. And I have plenty- basically everything I've felt for you since you were 11- and I'll take it out on him, I just know it. It's not fair to him or to your memory, I know it isn't, but I can't help it and I hope you'll forgive me despite everything I've done and everything I probably will do.

You shouldn't have died, Lily. You should have lived. You should have lived well after me and had your own happily ever after. You should have been everything, you should have been brilliant, lively, bold, stubborn, fiery, perfect. You should have _been._

And as for us, we should have grown old together. We should have been sitting on some back porch 50 years from now watching our children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren play and chat together in someone's backyard. We should have been together, you and I, but things that should happen never do properly, and this is no exception. I'll always be your sister and you'll always be mine, but not in this twisted way and not in the way this ended up. I'm sure that someone up there has a sadistically twisted sense of humour who thinks this is all some sort of big cosmic joke, but it's not.

Once upon a time, there were two girls- two sisters- that nothing came between them. They thought they were inseparable, and they were, in a sense.

At some point, however, these girls grew up and apart. They reached a crossroads and each took a different path, thinking that they would meet up in the end.

They never did.

The thing is- some roads are better than others. Some have all that you desire, while others contain hard work and empty promises. The two paths both sisters took were both so drastically different to both extremes, that they changed them, and every time they happened to see each other through the bushes separating their paths, they never realised it was the same person all along. The same person who had played with them, fed them, been there for them.

They never bothered to find out.

All they ever wanted was to be themselves, a full individual. But somewhere along the way, they came to see that wasn't possible, because you can never fully be yourself. It's too dangerous. But you can be part of something else, because there is strength in numbers and that never stopped being true. You can be a part of that, a part of something better. Those girls always thought they weren't.

They never realised.

This was the story of _us,_ Lily. The full one, from beginning to end, cut unexpectedly short. It's a bit abrupt, I won't lie, but so is life and so were you and so is everything else, in a way.

It's the unfinished symphony of you and me, full of unexpected melodies and harmonies of a long forgotten life, full of the beauty of melancholy, bittersweet regret and the drama of a life spent parted. It was made up as we went along, and even still, as spontaneous as it all was, I wouldn't miss even a second of it. I would listen to it again, and maybe even make some changes, but no matter how much I hated it over the years, I've lived it and loved it more than anything else in the world because it's ours, all _ours,_ and it's that little detail that doesn't even make me regret it anymore.

I thought about sending these to you, and I'm glad I didn't because now I have something to remember you by. Something that'll remind me that I'm not alone, I never will be, because I had you and I still have you in my memories and I'll always have you no matter how many years pass, and all the things I wanted to tell you are still here as well and I still have them too, and maybe if I try I'll be able to imagine that you know them all and that you read them all and understood why I did all that I did. It was never planned, but neither was our symphony, and I think that it's precisely why it doesn't matter and it never will.

This is my last letter to you, Lily. I know, it's cut short, but so was your life, and just like our symphony, it was destined to remain unfinished.

But before I leave, there's one thing I've always evaded telling you straight. I always wanted to, but really never quite knew how. But now I know. I've figured it out, you see- it's one of those things that don't need a perfect time or moment, just a willing enough participant and a meaningful truth that's just big enough to be believable.

I love you, Lily.

There.

I've said it.

And I _always_ will.

Love,

Your sister.

 **Aaaaaaand that's a wrap! Thank you so much to everyone who read, favourited, followed, reviewed, and whatever else there is that's left to do here- you really don't get how much better my day gets after getting that notification. Actually, seeing as a majority of you write, you probably do, but sssshhh... technicalities, amirite? Ahem. Anyways. I had a lot of fun writing this, so who knows, there might be a sequel or two ;) and that's basically it I think. And, side note, many thanks to Johnathan-desu who thinks I'm crazy for writing as much as I do. Always cheers me up, and it makes me want to write even more just because. Oh, look, I'm off topic again. I'll just go- until next time, ronk77**


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